When you got married, you probably promised each other to be honest and faithful. If you suspect that your spouse has broken your marital vows, you might not know what to do. You might also not know whether you want to try to work it out or get divorced.

There is no right answer when it comes to how to handle a cheating spouse. However, if you suspect that your spouse is cheating, take some time to sort through your feelings before you talk to them about it. After that conversation, you should prioritize your well-being as you try to decide how to move forward. You can also schedule a consultation with an Austin family law attorney to get more information about your rights and options.

At the Law Office of Jason Wright, we represent individuals in Texas divorce cases, including those that involve adultery. For each client, our goal is to help them understand the divorce process so that they can make a decision about how to proceed. If you hire our law firm, we will fight to help you get the best possible outcome. Contact our law firm today to talk to an Austin divorce lawyer about your potential case.

Signs That Your Spouse Might Be Cheating

In pop culture, a person often learns about a cheating spouse in a very obvious, direct way, such as walking in on them with another person or intercepting a sexy text message. In real life, you might not ever have direct proof of an affair. Instead, you might just be suspicious that something isn’t right.

There are some potential red flags for cheating that you might notice in your relationship. This may include:

• Secretive behavior, such as leaving the room when answering a text or phone call, always keeping their phone with them, or clearing their browser history on their laptop, tablet, or phone;
• A sudden change in their appearance, such as weight loss, wearing nicer clothes, or wearing perfume or cologne when they never did before;
• Unusual changes to their schedule, such as having to work late when they always left the office by 5 p.m., or suddenly having to take work trips over the weekend when they never had to travel for work before; 
• A noticeable decrease in sexual interest or activity in your own relationship;
• Your spouse’s friends or family members are acting uncomfortable around you.

Of course, there are many possible explanations for these “signs” of cheating. Perhaps your spouse wants to better themselves, or they don’t want you to see that they have ordered a special gift for you. However, if you notice many of these signs and your spidey senses are tingling, it might be time to have a talk with your spouse.

What to Do If You Believe Your Spouse Is Cheating

Learning that your spouse is cheating can be absolutely devastating. While there is no one right way to react, there are some things that you can do to deal with it in a more rational way. Below, we outline some of the steps that you can take if you are suspicious that your spouse is cheating.

Figure Out Your Own Feelings

If you believe that your partner is cheating, your first instinct may be to confront them. You might even want to scream and yell or break things. While these are understandable reactions, they won’t help you in the long run. 

If you already have an established relationship with a therapist, it might be a good idea to schedule a session. Your therapist can help you sort through your feelings and identify any issues that you should potentially address with your partner. They can also help you figure out what you want to do if you confirm that your spouse is cheating.

If you don’t have a therapist or aren’t interested in therapy, you could also turn to a trusted friend or family member for support. They can also serve as a sounding board as you work out your feelings and decide how to handle the situation. Keep in mind, however, that your loved ones might not be able to forgive your spouse even if you decide to stay in the relationship. In other words, be careful about who you choose for support.

There are other potential options as well. If you like to journal, you might find that writing it all out is helpful. You may even find an online support group where you can vent, seek advice, or talk it out in a more anonymous way.

Communicate Directly with Your Spouse

The next step should be talking with your spouse. Try to control your anger, suspicion, and outrage and go into the conversation openly and respectfully. Explain why you are suspicious of them cheating and give them a chance to respond.

If you have evidence of cheating, you can also present it to them. While we don’t recommend snooping, some evidence may fall into your proverbial lap (such as texts or photos that sync to a joint iCloud account and show up on your iPad). If you have hard proof of cheating, you can and should let them know in a direct, respectful way. If your spouse knows that you have evidence, then they may be able to address the issue directly instead of focusing on denying it.

Throughout the conversation, keep your eye on your partner. Depending on how long you have been together and your relationship, you may have a good sense of when they’re being dishonest. Some key behaviors to look out for include not making eye contact, crying, overly angry denials, or trying to flip the tables and accusing you of cheating.

If your partner denies cheating and you believe that they are lying, do not let them gaslight you or talk you out of what you know to be true. Remember: you can make a decision about the future of your marriage even without your spouse admitting to adultery.  Texas does not require you to prove adultery in order to get divorced.

Take some time for yourself and figure out how you want to move forward. Both cheating and lying about it may cause you to have serious concerns about the future of your marriage. In addition, even if your suspicions are unfounded, the simple fact that you are questioning may be a signal that your marriage is in trouble.

If your partner does admit to cheating, you might want to ask them some more questions to learn why. While this may or may not affect your decision to stay in the marriage, it can help to know why your spouse cheated. This is especially true if there have been problems in your marriage that haven’t been addressed. 

Having a reason wouldn’t necessarily justify cheating, but it may help you decide what you want to do in terms of your marriage. You might ask if it was just sex or something more, if it was more than one person, and if it was a long-term affair. Another question to ask might be whether your spouse can understand why you are hurt, if they feel bad, and if they want to work on the marriage.

There is no one right answer when it comes to staying or leaving after a spouse cheats. For some couples, there is simply no coming back from an affair. For others, they use the opportunity to work on their marriage and end up developing a stronger relationship than ever before.

Take Care of Yourself

When you are going through a crisis in your marriage, it is easy to focus – or hyperfocus – on your spouse and the situation. This can make it hard for you to think about what it is that you actually want.

First, you schedule an appointment with your doctor to get tested for sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Whether your spouse has cheated with one person or twenty, the simple reality is that they are putting you at risk for STIs. Getting tested is important for your health and your peace of mind. 

Second, if you weren’t already seeing a therapist, consider finding one to support you as you decide what to do next. Affairs bring up a lot of complicated feelings, including anger, guilt, and shame. Talking to someone about it can help you sort through those emotions so that you can decide on your next steps.

Third, do other things to take care of yourself. This can look different for everyone. You might take long walks in nature to clear your mind, check out a bunch of books from the library, or schedule a weekend getaway with friends. Whatever you choose to do, know that prioritizing your own well-being is important regardless of what you decide about your marriage.

Consult with a Divorce Attorney

Even if you haven’t made a final decision about what to do, it may help you to schedule a consultation with an Austin divorce lawyer. You can learn more about the process and likely outcomes. Getting more information about divorce in Texas may give you some clarity about whether or not you want to leave your spouse.

An attorney can also advise you on practical steps to take if you are contemplating divorce. For example, they might advise you to hold off on buying a piece of real estate with your spouse until you know what you want to do. This practical advice can help you position yourself better should you decide to file for divorce.

Meeting with a divorce attorney does not mean that your marriage is over. However, if you find yourself in a situation where you believe or know that your spouse has cheated, it makes sense to learn about your options. There are a lot of misconceptions out there when it comes to Texas family law, so it is always a good idea to get advice from an expert.

How Our Law Firm Can Help

If you suspect that your spouse is cheating, you might feel hurt, angry, and sad. If you decide that you want to move forward with a divorce, we can help you get the best possible outcome. Our law firm represents clients in complex, high-net-worth, LGBTQ, and other types of divorce cases in Travis County.

At the Law Office of Jason Wright, we are proud to offer thoughtful legal advice to clients throughout the Austin region. We know that cheating doesn’t always mean that a marriage has to end, but if you decide that you are done with your marriage, we are here for you.  To learn more or to schedule a consultation with an Austin divorce lawyer, contact us at 512-706-9662 or fill out our online contact form.